i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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