There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
