After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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