shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
