I bet he comes in French.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
