Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
