the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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