the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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