I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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