at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
