sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize