please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
