my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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