I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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