I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
