Banned from zoo.
Again?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
