scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
