I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
