if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize