OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
