Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
