so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
