'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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