very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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