i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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