So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
