Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize