go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
