it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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