Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
