It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
