Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
soo... how was my night?
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