My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
