I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
