I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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