just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
