so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
