I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
