people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
