WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
