I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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