Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
