I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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