life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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