i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
