I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
