I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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