I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
