We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
