i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
