He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
