Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I believe in your delicious
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
