What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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