Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
