I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
