is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
