2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
