I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
