Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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