3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
