I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Never underestimate the power of titties
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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