9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
