Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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