god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
