And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
