it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
