Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
