thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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