Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He did a backflip because drugs
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