Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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