Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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