I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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