I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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