I feel great
I just peed on a car
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
50% drunk capacity currently
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
